I try to keep my updates here positive. I also try to keep them regular, but that's never happened, and I'm going to have to break the positive rule in a frustratingly vague manner now, too.

I'm lost. The last month or two have been something of a whirlwind as far as my emotions and my knowledge of myself and the way I deal with things goes. I've become an enigma to myself. There was a time in my life when I was confident that I knew myself, and from what I can tell that's pretty rare. Now? I'm just lost. There's no other word for it. Confused and hurt and betrayed.

And lost.

My trust has been tested. I trusted and got that destroyed. It's affected me for the worse, but perhaps being less open will protect me in the long-run. I tried to forgive, and I even managed it, and then yesterday that got jumped up and down upon, thrown in a blender, royally fucked up (excuse my language) and left in a gutter to suffer. Yes, I'm being dramatic, but I just can't comprehend this. I can't deal with this. I don't understand, and I'm pretty sure I don't deserve this.

I'm just so sad.

Things I Miss: Being able to trust people.